How to Criticize Constructively

I just realize what really gets on my nerves:

When someone is wrong, but speaks in a tone like he/she has made up his/her mind, and will not listen anymore.

Anyone who is closed minded in that sense, I really hate. Sure, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. And everyone will have opinions that are far from the truth. It is our duty to find truth in life, to change our opinions to closely resemble truth.

A mild example would be when someone says something like he knows it to be true, but I happen to think otherwise. Me and my friend W tend to get into such small arguments. Where we are talking about something not important. For example, last week we argued a little about whether Ziigmund uses his own avatar or the ninja avatar. W said he uses his own avatar, but I clearly watched with my own eyes him playing against Isildur1 with both having ninja avatars. Anyway it might be that he uses his own avatar at times, and the ninja avatar at times. So most probably both of us are right. When you are sure about something, and someone differs from your opinion, that’s when you tend to want to defend your own opinion. And I believe the opinion closer to the truth will emerge victorious in the end.

A more serious example, or the kind that really gets on my nerves, is when someone says something wrong but wouldn’t listen anymore to other opinions. He/She might say for example: The Sun revolves around the Earth! Full stop! *And changes the subject and not caring about what you have to say* This is an exaggerated example but it sort of portrays the closed minded attitude that gets on my nerves, and I think most peoples’ nerves.

The more the subject is closer to you, the more angrier you will get. For example, someone might say to you angrily: “Why do you keep doing this again and again, you are Useless, there’s no hope for you.” Such negative labeling like saying you are lazy, stupid, useless is the most hurtful. The sadest thing is that the person has made up his mind that to him/her you are not who you are, but you that ugly thing called LAZY or STUPID or USELESS. A person is always more than his mistakes. Tiger Woods can knock his car into a tree outside his house, but if someone will label him as “STUPID”. Is that fair? He is the best golfer in the world and you are labeling him Stupid just for one isolated incident?

What people should do is to criticize the action, and leave the person with his/her dignity. You could say: “That was careless of Tiger to not notice the tree outside his house, he should have been more careful when driving.” Something like that. You can criticize him for being careless at that time. You don’t go out and label Tiger as Stupid just because of that moment. A person is more than a moment. He is capable of more than his mistakes in life. Everyone will make mistakes, but he/she will move on and learn from that mistake, becoming the best person he/she has ever been from then on, before the next mistake, and the next improvement.

By labeling someone as Useless, Stupid, you are placing a full stop to his life, and labeling him as Useless and Stupid, incapable of improvement. And that is obviously not true. Seek to use more ‘moment criticisms’ instead of ‘people criticisms’. By criticizing that moment someone did something wrong, you are giving him a chance to improve. But if you label someone negatively, the person will receive it as he/she has no hope anymore, because he/she is just that label – useless, stupid.

I wonder the impact of these criticisms on young kids who are still growing up. Their mind are not fully developed, but very receptive, hence they would accept any opinion good or bad that come their way. Negatively labeling by parents will definitely erode their self-esteem, and the kid will grow up with a largely negative view of himself, and his life.

Judging

What does Judging mean? Aren’t we judging people wherever we go. If we aren’t judging and making sense of people and things, how do we cope? If we don’t judge something as bad, why would want something better? Advancement requires that we judge!

Don’t judge other people. I’m always been confused about this. How the hell do we not judge other people? Also how do we not judge ourselves (aka conscience)? We make decisions, and decisions itself means that there is a something better than something else, so there will always be something good and something not so good (or bad).

So if someone makes you angry. Is it wrong to judge that he has done something wrong to you? Is it wrong to reprimand him/her? Then what is the use of feelings? Why would you let someone step all over you when you have done nothing wrong. It’s wrong in fact for you to keep quiet. If someone has crossed the line, we shouldn’t accept it, we shouldn’t ignore it (thinking it’s better to not create conflict), we should confront the other person so that he/she realises his/her fault. Because awareness is the next step from ignorance, by letting a person go on unaware of his/her wrongdoing might look like it’s the best thing to do, but this pent up emotion will snowball and before you know it boom, you’ll explode. And everyone rather have 10 minor tremors than one big explosion. It’s not good for you or for anybody. So if someone has done something that affects you, confront him or her, it would do both of you good.

I guess i am ranting because being so sensitive as i am, i often find little things people do (and don’t realise) offensive. When people speak to me in a condescending tone, i really hate it. Or if people don’t care about me, i am really dissapointed, and will think about it a lot. I guess these things are also caused by my having no work to do, so i will mull over past events again and again (and now staying in the present). But feelings from the past stick with you in the present, and you can’t help but keep thinking over it, thinking what was wrong.

I guess i am kind of rambling here, a little out of rage. I had it from other people that i am way too sensitive and can’t take any criticism. I guess it’s true. People don’t seem to want to criticize me because maybe they sense i take things very seriously. I am increasingly not getting along with people, actually i can safely say i have no friends. I never had friends actually. Since secondary school, i have never been close to someone that i can tell him/her my inner most thoughts. I guess we are not on the same though level. I think of so many unique things that no one will understand. Either i’m half a genuis or that i’m just wierd crazy. I don’t know, people say that… yes you know what i’m going to say… it’s a fine line between genius and madness.

But the next step for me definitely is definitely, whenever someone makes me feel uncomfortable, i am going to hint it to him to make him realise that he/she is doing something inappropriate – i’ve tried this a few times before and it didn’t end up any good. But i will continue in pointing out people’s mistakes. So maybe people will start pointing out my mistakes instead of just back, avoiding conflict (as usual). I read that avoiding conflict and not speaking your true feeling about someone, is the leading cause of all conflicts. Ironic huh? Avoiding conflict is never the solution, it only builds rocks inside than will build up into a volcano and you’ll erupt.

A month in Jakarta

Expense gone down by 75%!

okay i have a habit of jotting down my expenses and i have an excel file where i store all the things i bought and how much my expense is for the whole month and I am glad to announce that for the month of February 2009 i have succesfully achieved my lowest monthly expense ever!! I spent a grand total of  Rp. 895,790!! (S$120). Can’t believe it. I know i spend little in Jakarta, but i didn’t know it would be so little. When i was in Singapore, my expense was consistently around $400/month, so it’s gone down 75%! And I could have easily saved another Rp.200,000 i think. Let’s see this month, i try to go on a fast and don’t buy any useless stuff. But it’s not looking good, i already spent Rp.200,000 in 5 days! Partly cos my mom is away so she isn’t cooking dinner and i have to buy food myself. But really i get to keep my expense low because my mom cooks breakfast and dinner, so i don’t have to spend much on food. Also my dad pays for petrol.

Random Amusing Stuff

Saw a toy store at Block-M called – Toysaurus  -.-

Someone at Service Centre couldn’t spell my name and wrote it as “Robbin Hai Yan To”. On the letter i was addressed as Mr Hai LOL He must have thought it was a chinese name Hai Yan To. Sounds kinda canto.. or viet?

Was on this road around kelapa gading. sticker advertisement caught my eye. It wrote ‘GURL KE RUMAH. 08XXXXXXX” so i was like O.O wait a minute… that’s quite wrong lol didn’t know people stick these kind of advertisements… only when i got near it that i realised it actually says  guru ke rumah! LOL the right side of the U has come off so it looks like L. Also, if you think of it no one would spell Girl as Gurl. anyway can’t believe i saw it as that, is it my ehm dirty brain, or i wonder if anyone else also sees it as GURL KE RUMAH. And imagine if someone called the number and asked for a GURL instead of a GURU lol, if the GURU happens to be a gurl guru, then some misunderstanding could occur lol reminds me of the time in school when we saw an advertisement which wrote EX-TEACHER TUITION and we went to write an S in front of that.. go figure.. lol

PEMILU

Ok i have wrote quite a lot of pointless stuff.. that’s what happens when i’m home and i decide to blog i get carried away. Pemilu is around the corner, soon, and i am eligible to vote! Should i vote?? i just see who looks the best in their picture and vote for him/her JK… i read an article in Globe Asia about this candidate Rizal Ramli, i get the impression he is pretty good, he is minister of something something and seems to be a really educated guy, i like this type lol i’m so gonna waste my vote.. but i’m pretty interested in politics to be honest, not to look cool or educated, but really i enjoy listening to the american election debates and speeches quite entertaining. you have all these very accomplished important people and they give strong opinions on the things that matter!

POKER

amazing this blog was all about poker now i haven’t played a single poker hand in a month. So quickly my priorities change.. i wonder if i will ever have a lasting passion for something. but…. i have been watching a bit of poker on youtube, i saw the new season 5 high stakes poker clips, it’s really exciting with the young stars on! Tom Dwan, Ziigmund, Eastgate, Minieri. It’s can’t get any better than that. It’s like seeing Cristiano Ronaldo vs Pele or something haha It’s impossible in sports, but in poker, age is not a limit, you can play till you’re 60 70 how old is doyle anyway? Poker is pretty good played for fun, it’s like soccer you play it with friends and follow the pros on tv, but i don’t think it will be a good career choice, unless you’re really talented. Income can be good like a few thousand a month but the thing is it doesn’t increase by much from then on?? like you’re stuck at that level. also the irregularity, one month you can be up, next month down, there is nothing stable about the income. Also results mean nothing at times, you can play so well yet be losing loads of money to bad beats, and you can play badly get lucky and still win loads of money and think you’re really good.. which is really dangerous. Compare it to like tennis, if you are federer you can expect to get into semi-finals or finals of every tennis tournament, your skill correlates with your results, therefore your results are pretty predictable. But with poker, no player no matter how good can say for sure he’ll get into the final table of all tournaments, like say federer could in tennis. It’s quite crazy if you think.. you can be the best player, and yet go out of a tournament with no fault on your part. It’s really something to get used to lol. You cannot equate your results with your performance like we have been conditioned to in life o.o

That’s it, i think i’ll blog again sometime, it actually feels quite good to write out these things, although they may be of no value to anyone lol

Full House over Flush

Hand info:

Date:	2009/01/05 0:20:02 ET
Type:	Cash Games
Game:	Hold’em PL
Table:	‘Sinon’ 9-max
Blinds:	$0.10/0.25

Table info:

Dealer

Seat 1: Ferch18 ($26.95)

Posts small blind $0.10

Seat 2: donga76 ($4.30)

Posts big blind $0.25

Seat 3: taejin1997 ($25)
Seat 4: Eliyano ($15.25)
Seat 5: Pioneer2001 ($15.30)
Seat 6: ML Needles ($56.05)
Seat 7: ForMyTiaras ($18.25)
Seat 8: IrishJacks04 ($39.50)
Seat 9: J-BEEZY203 ($13)

Dealt to ForMyTiaras

Check odds

Preflop: (Pot: $0.35)

FOLD Eliyano
FOLD Pioneer2001
FOLD ML Needles
CALL ForMyTiaras, $.25
CALL IrishJacks04, $.25
FOLD J-BEEZY203
FOLD Ferch18
FOLD donga76
CHECK taejin1997

Check odds

Flop: (Pot: $.85)

CHECK taejin1997
CHECK ForMyTiaras
BET IrishJacks04, $.25
FOLD taejin1997
CALL ForMyTiaras, $.25

Check odds

Turn: (Pot: $1.35)

CHECK ForMyTiaras
CHECK IrishJacks04

River: (Pot: $1.35)

BET ForMyTiaras, $.75
RAISE IrishJacks04, to $3
RAISE ForMyTiaras, to $9
RAISE IrishJacks04, to $20
CALL ForMyTiaras, $8.75 and is ALL-IN
RETURN IrishJacks04, $2.25

Showdown:

SHOWS IrishJacks04

Mucks ForMyTiaras

IrishJacks04 wins the pot of $35.05 with a full house, Kings full of Jacks

I could have laid this down, when he re-raised my re-raise. A smart tight player would not re-raise a reraise unless he has the nuts. He must have noticed that i have been calling the flop, checking the turn, and once that 3rd spades came, there was a high probability i had hit the flush. When he re-raised me from 0.75 to 3.00, i thought there was still a good chance he only has trip kings, so i re-raised to 9.00, which is kinda overbetting actually. Right here, if he only has trip kings, he would just call fearing the flush. However he re-raised all-in for my 9.00 left, i called and was fearing for the worst, mainly, KJ or K3 or K5. And he showed the nuts. I definitely could have avoided this if i thought of how smart a player he is, and how unlikely he would re-raise twice without the nuts.

On a site note I feel belittled by the problems i am facing, i feel so small fighting these so called problems. It has nothing to do with other people or anything, it is a fight that i am too cowardly to face. however i can feel myself gaining momentum, let’s see how it turns out.

Afternoon Tilt-ing

Back to $0.50/$0.10 tables but left after 2 hours with only 65cents in profit. Don’t know what i did wrong, which is very disconcerting. Tempted to study the hand history again.

Just a little pent up frustration due to certain things. Like people not understanding my motives, people being rude to me and speaking in a tone like they don’t appreciate me (and they don’t realize it). I wonder when people are rude to you, whether you should hint it to them or just let it be. Some people don’t even mind it and don’t take it seriously, but i can’t, I’m always sensitive to what people say and how they say it and therefore I’m often disappointed by how other people treat me.

Tilt-ing in the afternoon. Having dinner with Grandparents in 2 hours. My first hour of 2009 will be spent playing soccer at the cage with YT, which is pretty cool :) I’ve never played at cage before, but it seems exp, $18 per person :/

Writing this blog and just getting my true feelings out makes me feel much better already. Such therapeutic effects blogging has. Will try to express myself more when i’m not feeling too good. I hate feeling tilt-ed.

In case you’re wondering what ‘Tilt’ means.. (from Wiki) “Tilt is a poker term for a state of mental confusion or frustration in which a player adopts a less than optimal strategy, usually resulting in the player becoming over-aggressive.”

Less Complaining

The more i complain about people or things, the worse i feel. Don’t want to slide into egoic thinking so easily again. For it takes only a few good words to build a positivity and rid of all animosity.

Grounded

I will not get easily angry at people anymore, i will forgive and tolerate more. They say that if you truly love someone, you do not seek to point out his/her faults, and if you do, you probably haven’t truly care for that person yet. I will try not be so bloated by ego anymore, the bigger your ego bubble, the easier you get offended and angry. That not trying to prove yourself or lash out when you are attacked or belittled, because your non-retaliation and humility is the best testament to your belief in a higher power. And i have a long way to go…

Midnight Blues

Feeling awful for no reason. perhaps i think too much. need to change my attitude and reactions towards people and things.

9pm-2am

Is my favourite time of the day :)

Hospital Smell

So i was at Mt Elizabeth Hospital yesterday and came at around 7pm on a Sunday so it was extremely quiet. As i walked down through the hospital alone, past the pharmacies and shops that are all closed, i have this wierd but cool feeling like i was in a playground or amusement park. Rarely do you get to be at a place like a public building and have the aircon on, and no one else around. Feels like it’ll be fun if i own the place for a night lol. The smell of the hospital, you know, is like they’ve sprayed some disinfectant into the air, it has a certain smell. And strangely enough, i liked the smell. The aircon was at the right temperature, and i’m just walking down the hallway. Just an undescribable feeling of quiet and peace, kind of ironic i thought as i continued to walk, because so many people who have been here have already died. As i walked past the fruit shop on the 2nd floor i had a random though “How many people who have walked past this spot has already died?” quite a lot probably. But all i felt then was just peace and quiet. What i really liked was that everywhere was really clean and tidy, it does really makes a difference to how people feel.